When I began this new blog, I knew it would be a lot less about the topics that seemed to be the meat of my other blog. I don’t talk about adoption on here for the sake of talking about it, promoting it, advocating for children or for any other reasons that I used to talk about it.
I also don’t talk about God much on here. I know that is probably a turn-off to some and probably welcoming to others. It is not that I don’t want to or don’t feel I should. I guess I’ve just been in a season where I didn’t have much to say. And I still don’t I don’t think, because I don’t understand a lot of what is currently about our family.
I want to interject here and say if anyone reading has ever criticized a classroom teacher for advocating for modifications (including medication) for a child with behavioral issues or conditions such as ADHD or ADD or conditions on the spectrum … well all I can say is that you most likely have never been closely involved or personally related to a person who suffers with any of these differences.
It has been a long road the last couple of years especially with the dynamics of sibling relationships in our blended family and we are still on the journey. Adoption IS hard. On everyone. I am not saying this to discredit the losses the adopted child faces. Far from it because that is a big piece of the puzzle. But adoption is hard on all in a family including children who were already there.
People rarely talk about the hard stuff. People sometimes are being truthful when they say adoption has changed their children for the better or that their children, both adopted and birth, have bonded seamlessly and completely. And I suspect sometimes they are not. For our family, seamless bonds and natural relationships have not developed by and large between some of our children. And I fear they never will. That is where the hard comes in right now.
I told my Mom today I have to some realizations that are very different than where I was in my thinking even a few years ago. I know that is not totally out of normal, but I never thought a few years ago I would feel so differently about things I felt so certain and passionate about a few years ago. Now things appear much more muddied and gray and different. Our own life experiences no doubt shape us. How could they not?
I haven’t blogged in awhile and I know then I come out with this. I guess I just wanted to be transparent for this brief moment to say that challenges are part of life and we have them here in our little piece of the world too. I don’t see any merit in sharing specifics, but if you find yourself on a difficult journey please know you are not alone.
I think the most difficult aspect of this journey which continues for our family year after year is that with each passing year I lose a bit more faith in God’s redemptive nature. I think of the person who prayed “Lord, help my unbelief.” That is not a comfortable place to be. As we journey together for school and life, I know we’ll face more difficult days with hopefully some joy-filled days in-between.
I know this was a departure, but it felt like the right thing to say today. I hope it helps someone else to know that life can lead us down a road filled with potholes, blind curves and bumps when we anticipated smooth, straight roads which we could see far ahead of us.