Do You Have Child with ADHD?

I do.

I used to think all sorts of things about ADHD. Maybe you did. Or maybe you still do.

Doesn’t really matter to me or my son or anyone else with ADHD. What does matter is that if you are the parent of a child with ADHD, I understand.

Is yours the one at the grocery store who is cussing you out because you said no to the soda or the candy?

Is yours the one who tells you for the 10th time in a day that he wishes some type of harm would befall you?

Is yours the one who struggles every day to complete simple tasks that to most of us are just second-nature?

Or maybe your child spends more time and energy refusing to feed the animals than it would take to just do the work?

Or perhaps you like me wonder what in the world will happen to a child who refuses to respect your authority at all costs?

Do you see the stories on the news and immediately feel a deep compassion in your heart for the mother of the child who has wronged so many?

I don’t know who is reading this or who will read it. But I’m weary. I’m tired. Of so much. Including the silence and the prevailing thoughts that the almost perfect family is just around the next bend. Or in our case, just after the next crises. Yes, that is plural on purpose. Not one crisis but multiple crises.

If I was an outsider looking in and truly seeing all of the stuff going on, I would immediately assume this is a family destined for dissolution, not in the sense of adoption, but in the sense of the whole unit just falling apart.

Without God, there is no hope. Without God, things look fairly grim.

Maybe you like me have cried out to the God of the universe and began to wonder if you even knew Him after all. Maybe you have screamed, “GOD, WHERE ARE YOU???” I will add at times it isn’t worded that nicely, though the all caps screaming is fairly accurate most of the time. Have you learned that it is possible to scream inside your head? Yeah, me too.

As I type, I am listening to Chris Tomlin’s Enough. Hmmmm. Is God more than enough?

Think about it. When your child screams his latest and favorite insult at you, one that he knows will cut you to the very core, is God more than enough?

When your child tells you for the thousandth time, “he is not my brother and never will be” (and this not said in anger but from a heart that after 3 1/2 years truly doesn’t have any roots developed for this brother), will you say God is more than enough?

When you argue with your spouse yet again about the situation at hand regarding a child who absolutely refuses to do the chore at hand, is God more than enough?

When you realize that there is no answer to your prayer for healing forthcoming, when you realize this trial is not going away, when you realize this IS it and this is your fairytale, is God more than enough?

Well, I don’t know about you, but I can tell you I’ve walked through some stuff especially since November 25, the Monday before Thanksgiving.

God is more than enough.

He doesn’t forsake His children.

 

 

 

 

Even if I don’t feel His promises to be true and see no evidence of them in the life of one of my children in particular, His promises are still true because He spoke them into existence.

There. I said it.

I don’t know where you find yourself today. Doubting. Angry. Defeated. Distraught. Broken.

I told someone I felt like I took my broken heart and laid it out on the table when I talked to someone about all of our family’s struggles, particularly concerning this one child, and that I realized there is no open-heart surgery to cure what ails so much of the brokenness here.

For two years now, I’ve prayed and others close to us have prayed for God to bring about healing, to help our son, to help us parent him. If we look at the relationships we have with one another and many outward evidences of this child’s existence, then we can say God has ignored and at the very least remained silent on this.

And perhaps He has.

I’m not God, so I can’t really say. Not much seems certain anymore to me.

As another crisis unfolded in our family, I fell flat on my face literally and figuratively. No one went hungry. No one was physically harmed. No one would have known if they saw us at the library or the grocery store or any other number of places. But things had crumbled.

God is putting back the pieces of my heart and He is putting back together our so-very-far-from-perfect family. The big difference for me is that I’m no longer looking ahead for us to get around the next proverbial bend. This is just the way it is.

Our happily-ever-after includes multiple children with multiple special needs that don’t define them, but they are a part of who they are.

I would implore you that if you ever see a Mom or Dad or caregiver struggling with a child in a store or in your neighborhood or anywhere else, please don’t automatically assume that the child just needs more discipline or even love.

Please don’t assume that you could do a better job of parenting that child yourself.
Please don’t assume anything, because chances are you have absolutely no idea what life is like for that child or his or her family.
It just may be possible the child has ADHD.

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15 thoughts on “Do You Have Child with ADHD?

  1. Thank you for writing this. I will be praying for you and your family. I, too, believe that even when we don’t understand what seems like His silence, He is still faithful. It is always helpful to hear from others who are able to hold on to that belief during their own hard times. Sharing our hearts through the rough paths in this world is one of the best ways to get through them and to help others get through their own. Thank you for sharing.

  2. It is a wearying road, this one we are on with multiple sn’s children.
    Thank you for writing this, I don’t feel so alone AND He is able to do all we ask or think, In HIS time! God bless you!!!

  3. praying for you Leslie. I have an ADHD nephew with other factors from his drug addicted birth-mom. It’s been a rough 8 yrs for my sister, who is a single mom now. But I want to say families dealing with ADHD are courageous and need us all to undergird them with prayer and help! Bless you Leslie and I will continue to pray for you guys!!!

  4. I feel led by God to say I am praying hard for your family. I have read your other blog when you were in Ch*na and your first little girl was so very sick. I don’t pretend to know anything of what you are going through but I am praying for Him to be enough for you. .Blessings my friend.

    • Thank you Roberta! I remember your name many times on our other blog. I am always humbled to know God leads strangers to pray for our family. This is one way He is exhibiting His limitless power to me by leading others to pray for us. I pray He blessed your faithfulness in praying for our family. Thank you. Thank you.

  5. Our hearts so long for that fairy tale, don’t they? It reminds me that this is not our home, that we were made for another world that isn’t broken. But this world prepares us for the next. One wise person once said, every adoption is a special needs adoption. And those already identified as special needs are even more difficult. We like to paint them with a fairy tale brush, but that isn’t reality. Thank you for your honesty.

    On another note, my son is not ADHD nor anything other than a boy with a sensitive heart, and he too loses control. He spends more time screaming and arguing than it would take to do what I asked. He says hurtful things. I have to remember that he is truly unable to control his emotions in that moment, and cling to the One who is more than enough, even as the fairy tale crumbles around is. Hang on to Him.

    Lifting you up in prayer.
    ~Ginger

  6. I can feel the hurt in your words but you must trust things will improve. You aren’t alone in these struggles though I’m sure you may feel it. Parenting is so hard and every child has struggles in some way. Lifting you up. Please feel free to call me any time. Xo

  7. Sweet Leslie,
    I hear you. I hurt for you. I am praying for you and your boy–your whole family. I’ve been in the place you find yourself….all I can say is don’t let go. Even when you don’t really feel His presence. He’s there. Don’t let go. ❤

  8. Leslie,
    Your honesty is refreshing and a gift to your readers. I have walked this road with ADHD, special needs, adopted children mixed in closely with bio children, broken relationships, etc. for 24 yrs long before many Christians with biological children were adopting. It’s refinement by fire for sure and the loss of what we dreamed of is the hardest! We met at CBS a few years ago right before I brought my youngest 2 boys home from China. If you ever want to meet for coffee or lunch, I would love to be an understanding ear from someone who has been walking this road a long time. My prayers are with you. I remind myself daily that we are broken people in relationship with broken children in a broken world.

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